Hospital Chuckler Gifts

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'Very funny!'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"Good?"

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

C'mon, Randall, cheer up....everybody dies.

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"It's weeder's elbow."

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'You have the new disease that terrifies the medical community... It's cure is easy and cheap.'

'Your hospital bill is $8437.00, plus $350.00 for not wearing clean underwear when you were brought in.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

Yoga - moooooooo.

'Good news Mrs. Gibson: Novox Liposuction Inc. has agreed to settle out of court'.

Restroom.

"It's my opinion that you suffer from a hyperactive disorder. And when you're done writing that down, I'd like my chart back."

'When I asked if she was critical I didn't mean verbally!'

To his dismay, Vern's entire surgical team passes out at the sight of blood,

'You need an ectomy. Hop up here and we'll see what kind.'

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

'You've got yellow fever, so we're painting the room to match your body.'

Feet Direction Don't Match

Well, I didn