Hospital Giggler Gifts

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

Moo! OOM!

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

Freeway exit signs: Regulation, Deregulation, Reregulation.

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"Good?"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

'Henri! We found your sweatband!'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

Plastic Surgery

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

'The government is DETERMINED to get rid of the 'target culture'...in fact we've committed to reducing targets by 68^ across 75% of the 76 most target driven departments within 96 days!'

"This gown just ain't big enough for the both of us."

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

IRS: 'Ours and Theirs.'

'Ordinarily, that wouldn't bother me, except Doc did the same blindfold trick last week, when he did my colonoscopy.'

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

'Be honest, how bad is it?'

"I attract all the crypts."

'Honey, there's a zombie at the door looking for brains,,,do we have anything for him'