Hospital Hallway Chuckler Gifts

'You need an ectomy. Hop up here and we'll see what kind.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'Very funny!'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

Jelly I.V.

'What's for desert?'

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'Urology...can you hold?'

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

Hell's Angels

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

Paramedics.

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'