Hospital Hallway Hilarity Gifts

'Been here awhile?'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

Big slipper.