Hospital Bill Chuckler Gifts

'Your hospital bill is $8437.00, plus $350.00 for not wearing clean underwear when you were brought in.'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"It's weeder's elbow."

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

Man about to pay his hospital bill notices a team of doctors and nurses waiting to resuscitate him.

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

'They've been hitting the blocking sled three times as hard since I put up that bust of that nut-job business teacher, Mrs. Sisk.'

Geez, Bob, maybe you should see a chiropractor.

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

'Good news Mrs. Gibson: Novox Liposuction Inc. has agreed to settle out of court'.

Donald Came Out Of The Recovery Room This Morning But Had To Go Back After Seeing The Bill.

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"The preceding PBS program was funded by do-gooders...not by freeloaders like yourself."

"It's my opinion that you suffer from a hyperactive disorder. And when you're done writing that down, I'd like my chart back."

'You need an ectomy. Hop up here and we'll see what kind.'

Waiting In Doctor's Office

'You've got yellow fever, so we're painting the room to match your body.'

'Says he came here to deliver a package.'

'I gave at the office.'

"It's bad enough we males have to sit on the eggs, but now I'm even starting to have hot flashes!"

"Rona you say, well nice to meet you." (man talking to the corona virus)