Medical Mishap Survivor Gifts

'I want you to file a malpractice suit.'

'My consultation fee may seem a little harsh, but your insurance company should cover most of it.'

Barbeque Casualty.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'Looks like another bad PR week for the company. The whole media team got burned in our last email blast."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

In case of stock market crash break glass.

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'In defense of rotten movies, they DO have the remarkable ability to make it seem like maybe your life isn't flying by that fast after all!'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'I can't turn it off.'

Sling

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'...in conclusion, we're in the wrong meeting room.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"You owe your life to that dog. He pulled you to safety. Unfortunately, there's still no sign of the dog ??" or your arm."

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'