Medical Mishap Survivor Gifts

'I want you to file a malpractice suit.'

'My consultation fee may seem a little harsh, but your insurance company should cover most of it.'

Barbeque Casualty.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'Looks like another bad PR week for the company. The whole media team got burned in our last email blast."

In case of stock market crash break glass.

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'In defense of rotten movies, they DO have the remarkable ability to make it seem like maybe your life isn't flying by that fast after all!'

"Deputy, round up a posse, I can't find my phone."

'I can't turn it off.'

Sling

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'...in conclusion, we're in the wrong meeting room.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"You owe your life to that dog. He pulled you to safety. Unfortunately, there's still no sign of the dog ??" or your arm."

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'