Healthcare Mishaps Gifts

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

'He broke his wrist trying to open his medicine.'

"Yes, our cautiousness may be a bit excessive but we do have the lowest litigation rates in the industry."

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'...this x-ray shows that your husband took a surgical instrument fromt he operating room.'

'Young man, haven't you ever heard of the hippocratic oath?'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Broken hospital sign.

Why do medical test results always come back on a Monday so we have to wait through the whole weekend to get our life-and-death results? You've signed a mouthful.

"Ms. Sherburn, could you bring me some scissors and another necktie please."

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"

'Do you still have my rectal thermometer?'