Memer Of Medical Mishaps Gifts

Why do medical test results always come back on a Monday so we have to wait through the whole weekend to get our life-and-death results? You've signed a mouthful.

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'Now, 'ol doc, he'd have wrapped 'er the other way.'

'I can't turn it off.'

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Poison ivy? No, I said you have a poison IV. Honestly, I have no idea why we keep that stuff right next to the medicine."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Broken hospital sign.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"

'Do you still have my rectal thermometer?'