Medical Mishaps Appreciator Gifts

"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"

'Do you still have my rectal thermometer?'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

'No, Mr Zarynski...you've got the hospital gown on backwards.'

I Pagliacci

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

Enrico from Lucia di Lammermoor

'I can't turn it off.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

'Not only the first wheel, the first road accident as well!'

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

Bravo!

'The survival of this patient is a true testimony to the blessing of modern science.'

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Paramedic Mistakes.

A little green monster

"Time of death, 11:55." "Wait, what?" "No, sorry, my phone died."

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'