Medical Mishaps Enthusiast Pillows

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

'Must've pressed the wrong button. Hang on, I'll ask the nurse.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Under blood type, sir, could you be a little more specific than blue?'

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

spellchecker

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"

'I can't turn it off.'

OPERATING ROOM, 'Your husband may have a little trouble sleeping for awhile -- we spilled some coffee in him.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

Paramedic Mistakes.

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"Well, at least his heart's in the right place."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'He accidentally brushed his teeth with hemorrhoid-shrinking cream.'

Dr. Mooglum made two mistakes. First, he stuck the stethoscope on the patient's forehead, and secondly, he replaced the end with a suction cup.

'Try not to make this doctor nervous ? this will be his first operation.'

Broken hospital sign.

'Mr. Jayson, get back into your bandages.'

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."