Medical Appointment Survivor Gifts

"No. . . the doctor can't see you tomorrow or the next day. How about 3 weeks from Thursday?"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

'Time for your pills.'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

Meeting not going well?"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

Unsuccessful board meeting.

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

violence in workplace

There's a real disconnect going on here.

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'And this chart shows our rate of growth.'

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

"Today's meeting will be endless, with a half-hour break for lunch."