Hospital Stay Survivor Gifts

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'Rooms are $200 a day, did you want nurses..? bed...? Sheet...?'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Balloon drip.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

En garde!

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'