Hospital Stay Anniversary Gifts

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Balloon drip.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Very funny!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

En garde!

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"