Check-up Anniversary Gifts

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Flu vaccine.

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"So what brings you in today?"

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."