Check-up Enthusiast Gifts

"What is your ideal weight?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

WHO checklist

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

"So what brings you in today?"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

Full System Scan

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."