Check-up Comedian Gifts

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"I'm hoping my stethoscope is broken."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

A footballer is having an eye test.

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

Suggestion Box for the Wather.

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

Brain Check

'Surgeon General's warning on junk food! Lighten up a little!'

Edna's Doctor Fantasy

"When I ask 'What is the nature of your complaint?' I am referring to your health, rather than the selection of magazines in the waiting room."

An Ace of Hearts going in for a check-up.

"Well, I have some good news and some lab results."

"Your good cholesterol has come under the influence of your bad cholesterol."

'It's just hot dogs. What does the health department care about hot dogs?'