Comedy Health Checks Gifts

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Full System Scan

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

'I was going to buy a hot tub.'

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

'...time you had your ears syringed?'

'Surgeon General's warning on junk food! Lighten up a little!'

"I'm just messing with you."

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

'It's just hot dogs. What does the health department care about hot dogs?'

"I'm not sure what an extra strength placebo is!"

"I'm hoping my stethoscope is broken."

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'I'm trying to watch my weight so I hope that's low fat!'

"You know, the hardest thing is getting them to admit they don't have a problem!"

'Oops, sorry about that spontaneous reflex action, doctor!'

'I'm afraid you failed your stress test.', 'AAAARGH!'