Health Contradiction Comedy Gifts

100 Fat. Now with 50 less fat.

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'She says she has a prenatal appointment.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

"I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?"

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

"Guess who's shot to number one in the charts. The Cure."

We can identify the genetic root of many problems... however your husbands being a long strak of water isn't one of them!

'Time for your One-a-Year vitamin supplement pill, dear.'

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."