Check-up Anniversary T-Shirts

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Flu vaccine.

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"So what brings you in today?"

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'