Annual Check-up Gifts

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

Flu vaccine.

"You have to give up your devil-may-care fatitude."

"You want me to pee in that cup. From here?"

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Next, with the help of a volunteer from the audience, we'll be performing the ever-popular prostate exam."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"So what brings you in today?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."