Annual Health Checkup Gifts

'Well, well, well...'

"I tried an apple a day, I tried chicken soup, I tried vitamin C..."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Flu vaccine.

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"The cape comes off too."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"So what brings you in today?"

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."