Regular Health Checkup Gifts

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Flu vaccine.

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

"So what brings you in today?"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'