Health Check-up Gifts

"You should relax less."

'Irregular heartbeat. Due to irregular exercise.'

'Relax. Mr. Miller. It's just a standard prostate exam.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"You're free to go, sir. But, seriously, I'd get that prostate looked at."

"Your blood type isn't particularly rare - but for someone who claims to drink only two beers a day, the foamy head is."

Health MOT.

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

"Cut down on the sweet stuff."

"When I asked the receptionist when the doctor would see me, she just said that it's called the waiting room for a reason!"

"You claim you walk 20 feet, 10 times a day. I'm guessing that's the distance from your TV to the refrigerator."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

"Let's take another deep breath and exhale...but first eat this mint."

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'Give up wine, women, and if you still insist on song, take singing lessons, you're flat.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'How's your liver?', 'Okay for now, but my doctor told me to take it easy.'

"You really ought to have your hearing checked."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

'We've actually figured out your problem. Your warranty expired.'

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

'Wake up, Mr. Granger, the doctor will see you about your insomnia now.'

"You'll have to give up the wine and the women. It's OK to sing, but only in moderation."

"By the time we go in, I'll be too old for a pediatrician."

"Mom, it's a 'ma'am-o-gram' reminder."

"Alright, then - let's unbag and hop up on the table."