Marital Disagreements Gifts

"I'll leave, Margaret, but I won't get lost."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

Diplomacy

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

'Stay, Rusty!'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."