Marriage Disputes Gifts

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

Diplomacy

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'