Marital Conflict Gifts

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

"I advise you to take a break from each other, and date other people for a while... So, what are you doing tonight, gorgeous?"

"Quit asking if I'm O.K. If I'm ever O.K., I'll let you know."

"You said it. I heard it. There's no taking it back, Harold!"

"Ever since you yelled at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

"The dishes are washed up, and so are we, I'm off."

'Believe me, it ain't easy being married to this lazy, lyin' sack of s**t!'

'Enough frank and honest talk. Let's go back to hypocrisy and dishonest talk.'

They had a combustible relationship.

Can you sue the justice of the peace who married you for malpractice?

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Do you remember this stupidest thing you ever said?"

Finkle and Fump Divorce Law

"Well. Firstly, I can't take the case because I'm not a divorce lawyer and secondly, I'm your husband."

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'Will I still be married?'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"