Marital Trouble Gifts

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

"I don't know, Dave. I just think the spark has gone from our marriage."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Diplomacy

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"