Marital Problem Gifts

'If you must know, I'm looking for a loophole...!'

'What do you mean we don't communicate? I sent you a tweet a week ago.'

'You must think I'm made of money! We can't afford both a cruise and a divorce in the same year!'

'Nothing I do pleases my wife. I told her that I'm willing to discuss any subject - including our marriage - so long as the discourse remains superficial.'

'Our relationship is doomed! We went to the fair and capsized in the tunnel of love.'

'The makeover involves ripping him out and starting again from scratch.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

Pouring white wine onto a red wine stain will make it disappear. Too bad it doesn't happen to anything else.'

Their relationship got worse, as the two of them never seemed to be on the same page.

"He had a pot belly, a scruffy beard and a big bent nose. . . on second thoughts, don't bother looking for him."

"My marriage counselor recommended a long cooling-off period."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Wanna talk about it?

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

'Will I still be married?'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."