Marriage Trouble Gifts

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

"You've changed, Howie."

"Fidelity, Ellen, stifles creativity."

"Ever since you screamed at me I've been getting ads from divorce lawyers."

'He's been like that ever since he found out that money isn't everything.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'But we can't afford counseling. Can't we just have our marriage defragged?'

"It was to be a quiet wedding but her husband found out...."

Departures and Arrivals

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

Rubbish husband...

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Wanna talk about it?

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Will I still be married?'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."