Marriage Struggles Gifts

"This isn't about you, Cheryl. In this crazy world your problems don't amount to a hill of beans. This is about me."

'Tel me, Bernie; when did we start going downhill?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"Trying to live more in the moment was your idea."

'To be honest Fran, our marriage is going through a tricky patch.'

"For what it's worth, you're beautiful when you're angry!"

Love and finances

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

Wanna talk about it?

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Will I still be married?'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

'We don't text anymore.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Diplomacy

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"