Marriage Difficulties Gifts

Staying together for the pension.

A woman stands on a beach watching an airplane going by pulling a banner that reads "Debbie, I have a problem with intimacy - Tony".

"I do think your problems are serious, Richard. They're just not very interesting."

"We should never have invited your family to live with us."

Emotional Strongman

'If we can save the whales we sure can save your marriage!'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Relate - "Don't mind him, he's a cartoonist!"

'Let me guess - your barmaid doesn't understand you either!'

'All the magic seems to have gone out of marriage, Harry!'

"I don't think this is the right time to tell me you're having an affair.."

'Why have you brought me here, Dennis?'

'It helps if you think of marriage as the moral equivalent of war.'

'Please don't leave me dear, what will I do without you?. . .Oh, great shot.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Wanna talk about it?

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Will I still be married?'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'