Marriage Woes Gifts

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

Wanna talk about it?

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Diplomacy

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

'We don't text anymore.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."