Marital Difficulties Gifts

"The truth is, I don't even know who you are anymore. Let's see some ID."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We're looking for a long dining room table that can symbolize the growing chasm between us as our marriage devolves into a black charade of alienation and indifference, for around twelve hundred dollars."

"You've never have cared a feather or a fig, have you?"

"He's like Tiger Woods before his comeback."

"Separate desserts? It's come to this?"

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you because you're always drunk.'

'Harriet, stop that! This is the fifth time you;'ve left me this month! You're wearing out the carpet!'

'I think my marriage is in trouble -- my wife gave me a traveler's check for my birthday.'

'Do you do trade-ins?'

'I think my marriage is in trouble -- my wife gave me a traveler's check for my birthday.'

"Your big mistake was leaving the door on my side, Rita."

"I fell in love with your quirky air of unpredictability. Now I realise that you're just plain stupid."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"