Marriage Problems Gifts

"I'm afraid we've lost that loving feeling."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'I did what you advised, then my wife did what your colleague advised!'

"I don't want to talk!"

"We are fighting so much I'm coming to live with you again."

The First of Many Arguments

"In ten seconds we can hate each other again."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Wanna talk about it?

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Diplomacy

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'We don't text anymore.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."