Marriage Issues Gifts

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

'He used to be my heart-throb, now he just gives me palpitations'

"Your coffee could be grounds for divorce."

'I thought I'd found Mr Right - instead, he's Mr Always Bloody Right'

"The trouble is, he's a lousy lover!" "How can you tell in three minutes?"

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'We had separate holidays but he never came back from his!'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

"My husband follows me wherever I go."

"If this doesn't work, I'm divorcing him!"

Man in prison and wife too engrossed to have a conversation.

"Go on, pick a card - I'm trying to put some magic back into our marriage."

"We're incompatible. . . He's anti-mask and I'm anti-vax!"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Is there someone else, Howard?"

'Don't tell me! You're off to see the Wizard. Right?'

'The wife couldn't bring herself to cut up all my clothes - so she ironed creases in all my jeans.'

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

'It's not so much a triangle-more a hexagon really.'

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

Wanna talk about it?

'Was it something I said?'

Young wife talking to her mother about her husband's gambling habit.

"F*** your face, you w****!! ...Oh, excuse me, I thought you were my wife."

"If I had known you'd be screaming into a pillow every night, I would've bought one for stomach sleepers."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."