Marital Issue Gifts

'I didn't say anything - that was last year.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

Wanna talk about it?

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Diplomacy

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."