Marital Issue Pillows

'I didn't say anything - that was last year.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'Will I still be married?'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

Diplomacy

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"