Marriage Troubles Gifts

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'Harold was a lot more attentive when our relationship was on the line.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"I'm sure 'till death do you part' was only an estimate."

"But Harry, he's in our pod!"

'Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! That's all I ever hear you say.'

'Not the car. Mother is recalling me for the correction of a major defect in my marriage - you.'

'What's the matter? Remember you told me to make your sister feel at home.'

'Gee, honey, isn't it premature to talk about a divorce before we've had a chance to see what a flat-screen, high-definition TV could do for our marriage?'

'I'm leaving you when they cut off our analogue signal, dear. . .'

'My God, Brad... You really don't like them, right?'

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

"I think their marriage was on rocky ground in later years: as soon as he passed away, she sold him to the knackery!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Wanna talk about it?

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Will I still be married?'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'We don't text anymore.'