Marital Struggle Gifts

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Will I still be married?'

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

Diplomacy

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"