Marriage Turmoil Gifts

'We can't get a divorce. We haven't paid for our wedding yet.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Honey, you've forgotten your grief case."

Rubbish husband...

"Well. Firstly, I can't take the case because I'm not a divorce lawyer and secondly, I'm your husband."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."