Marriage Turmoil Gifts

'We can't get a divorce. We haven't paid for our wedding yet.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

Rubbish husband...

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"Honey, you've forgotten your grief case."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"Sorry. No refunds."

"Well. Firstly, I can't take the case because I'm not a divorce lawyer and secondly, I'm your husband."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in your prenuptial agreement clearly states ... '