Marital Disputes Gifts

"I don't want to talk!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Diplomacy

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'Stay, Rusty!'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."