Marital Argument Gifts

'We need to talk.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

Wanna talk about it?

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

Diplomacy

"We both need to get away and unsidewind awhile."

"When did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

'Oh it is nice to get away from it all.'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"It's not jsut that he walks upright and uses complex tools. He also makes me laugh."

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'