Marital Discussion Gifts

A woman reads "Men's Fault" magazine.

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

Wanna talk about it?

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Do you agree with Rudy Giuliani? He said the president doesn't love America, because he's always apologizing for it and finding fault with it. Thoughts? *Actual reader question. Sounds EXACTLY like love to me. My husband would disagree, but don't mind him, he's just a quarrelsome know-it-all. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'We need to talk.'

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

'45 and never been divorced? What's wrong with him?'

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

'I'm leaving you for someone who ignores me to watch Wimbledon!'

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

'My wife wanted a dog and I wanted a cat... In the end we got a lawyer!'

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

"I don't think we're going to be able to agree on a pizza topping that will solve all of our problems."

Man to Marriage Counselor: 'All I'm asking for is a little respect.'

'Hello, Mr. Harris?... This is the private eye you hired to follow your wife. I'm afraid you were right, she is sleeping with another man.'

What do you mean we don't communicate? Didn't you see the Post It note I left for you on the refrigerator yesterday

"Go on, pick a card - I'm trying to put some magic back into our marriage."