Marital Musings Gifts

'Oh, that stays here too, dear. You might need to read that prenup again mister!'

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

Wanna talk about it?

'Will I still be married?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"I mean it this time Brian, it's either me or the jazz!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"It's not that we had more fun before we got married --- it's just that now we're having a different kind of fun."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'We need to talk.'

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"I'm afraid, we may have to keep your wife in for a few days."

'She says she's never had an affair with David Beckham and she expects me to believe that!'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'My wife wanted a dog and I wanted a cat... In the end we got a lawyer!'

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'