Married Life Musings Gifts

'Behind every successful man there's a woman, telling him he isn't successful enough.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

Wanna talk about it?

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

"You call that worrying?"

"We should probably stop calling each other 'Fluffy's person' and 'Fifi's person' and learn each other's real names - now that we're married I mean."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

"It's not that we had more fun before we got married --- it's just that now we're having a different kind of fun."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."