Married Life Ponderer Gifts

'If global warming is real...how come your feet never get any warmer?'

My Wife Went To Heaven And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

"Death coach..."

'Mom says she has a souffl

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

Baxter finally gets a life

Truth

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

Wally dozes off in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Children.