Marriage Ponderers Gifts

'It's classic 'bait-and-switch.' They don't tell you that marriage is a step-deal.'

'Leonard married me when I was 21 but I really don't think he meant any harm.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"Have you seen my wife?"

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

Jealousy

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

Insomnia.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

"I'm giving love one more try."

'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'

"Do you ever think of getting married?"

'Look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We chose to get married before living together.'

Daisy Bates and Harry Morant.

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"

Ask me about Naming Rights.

How do bright women get pregnant?

"I find it hard to perform in these market conditions."