Marriage Ponderers Gifts

'It's classic 'bait-and-switch.' They don't tell you that marriage is a step-deal.'

'Leonard married me when I was 21 but I really don't think he meant any harm.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

"I'm giving love one more try."

Insomnia.

'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

How do bright women get pregnant?

"I find it hard to perform in these market conditions."

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"

"Do you ever think of getting married?"

Daisy Bates and Harry Morant.

'Look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We chose to get married before living together.'

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."

Ask me about Naming Rights.