Relationship Ponderers Gifts

'Listen, I like you, Chet, but I prefer to move a little slower.'

'They divided everything in half when they divorced.'

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"I find it hard to perform in these market conditions."

vive la difference

'You need to address your intimacy issues, Darling.'

'I remember when sex on the first date was shocking. Now they don't even bother with a date!'

If you really loved me, you'd answer faster

'I wish there was a little more magic in our marriage. For a start I'd like to see him perform a vanishing act!'

'I'm thinking of leaving my man.'

Robert Manfred, 1932-2015. Finally I get the last word.

"The doctor said Millard needs back surgery. . . I never knew he had a spine!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"You used to be that ambitious."

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

"He's all mine. Life is good."

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"Have you seen my wife?"

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"I'm giving love one more try."

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

'It's a big step getting married. I need time to think about it - What did you say your name was?'

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"