Modern Relationship Ponderer Gifts

"erm...rethink..Adam and Eric doesn't seem to work..."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

Truth

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

Bowther, Wilkin, Lynch & Fisk

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"I'm giving love one more try."

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"Don't forget to come back."

"And, because a princess can't be forced to testify against her prince, they lived happily ever after."

'Look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We chose to get married before living together.'

"Remember when we used to flock together, instead of just tweeting all day on line?"

Hi, Rudy. What the -- ?! Don't rush me, Uncle Mort. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web. $12.50. What'd I say? You asked how last night's date went. You wanted to know If we hit it off … If we had a goodnight kiss … if there'll be a second date … If we went for long walks on the beach ... If we're getting serious ... if I've met her parents ... if I've thought of how to propose ... if she's said yes ... if we've moved in together ... if we've discussed giving you grand-nieces and nephews ... All I

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"

Why do you need a girlfriend? Because it's nice to hang out with someone. Why? Because you can do fun stuff. Why? Just because. Oh, why didn't you say so? I think I've had a breakthrough.

"Do you ever think of getting married?"

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."