Marital Ponderer Gifts

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"I love it, the chief loves it, the client loves it, but the gods don't love it."

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

"I'm giving love one more try."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

The Good Samaritan.

'I imagine you were pretty nervous addressing an army of experts.'

Hi, Rudy. What the -- ?! Don't rush me, Uncle Mort. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web. $12.50. What'd I say? You asked how last night's date went. You wanted to know If we hit it off … If we had a goodnight kiss … if there'll be a second date … If we went for long walks on the beach ... If we're getting serious ... if I've met her parents ... if I've thought of how to propose ... if she's said yes ... if we've moved in together ... if we've discussed giving you grand-nieces and nephews ... All I

Daisy Bates and Harry Morant.

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"

"Do you ever think of getting married?"